Miss Bells

Reader, I am sick to my stomach yet desperately hungry at the same time. I feel like this week has been a whirlwind of fun and productiveness while wanting to bawl my eyes out at the same exact time. Can you guess what time of the year it is? What else could it be but my first week back at classes and boy do I have something to tell you all.

The beginning of the new year is a time for change, whether that be adding or taking away something from one’s life. Personally I’ve been trying to give up something for the past nineteen days, more on that later. (it’s weed, I’m giving up weed for 40 days)

I have a class with someone I can’t stand to be around. That’s why I decided to open up my laptop and update you. Just the mere knowledge that his eyes are on me sends me into an internal frenzy. I never had to deal with this last semester dear reader, we could go for a month long stretch without ever spotting the other but now, class for an hour and fifteen minutes twice a week.

It’s so distracting, as well as just embarrassing how much I care. Why did he have to be put in my class when my main method of dealing with this has been to ignore it. The gods or fate or Jesus Christ himself must be against me.

This would all be easier if I could just accept what I am to him witch admittingly, isn’t much at all. I’m just his ex-girlfriends ex roommate. One who did not leave her on good terms (or she left me on awful terms but that’s a story for another day) Also I can’t trust my own brain. I hate my feelings, go away shoo I DO NOT NEED YOU, And your certainly not wanted. If he doesn’t miss being my friend then I certainly don’t and can’t miss him.

Timeline: Me and him become friends—> I develop a crush —> We hang out more—>Nothing happens except almost that one time but I ran away and didn’t tell anyone—>He asks my roommate out—> I tell her it’s okay to go and cried that night—>They become a thing—> She discovers about that night and exposes my crush to him—> Nobody is friends today

There’s more that happened later and in between of course but that’s my totally biased look at it.

….So what’s yalls most soul-crushing experience with someone you fancied? Just kidding, but not really and if you want to tell me yours it would make me feel better, there’s a confession box thats totally anonymous somewhere on here. No pressure of course.